Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Dog Days are Over

Quote of the day:

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide its your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours. Its an amazing journey and you alone are responsible for its quality. -Bob Moawad

I can't stop listening to this song.

I heard it for the first time on the VMA's. I love music, but we all know the radio is the last place to look for new or non mainstream choices, and since I have little time for browsing the internet for new finds, I'm usually limited to the trusty favorites I have on my ITouch.

Anyway, I love it, and I will definitley be further exploring Florence and the Machine.

A little on today's life. I did not love waking up this morning. I have a lot of little things to take care of before school and my new job starts (Monday for work, Wednesday for school) and I am not ready. I like to be very type-a at the beginning of new ventures-- since I usually end up spinning in circles about half way through -- and I am not ready to clean, organize, buy, order, return and look up everything required to align all my ducks in a row.

I will however, do it anyway. So this post will be short. I just wanted to keep up on my 30 Day Truth Challenge.

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

I have mixed feelings about this question. Part of me wants to cringe, slam my lap top shut, forget Day 8 even exists, go to the next question and go binge on something fattning. Who wants to relive a part of their life that was hell?

A bigger part of me (the part that won, as this was my actual reaction) simply sighs, spends a few minutes reflecting on a situation that is now an almost forgotten part of my past, and thank God and the universe and who/whatever else has a hand in fate for teaching me the greatest lesson of life. A lesson that was hard to learn so early in life, but also a lesson some dont have the privledge of ever learning, so I am greatful.

Someone who made my life hell and treated me like shit.

We will put it this way. Me. I made my own life hell, and treated myself like shit. Once upon a time, long before the days of passion for a career or purpose, appreciation for my gifts and self and family, I was lost. The saying "if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything" comes to mind.

It took me a while to realize that people lie and say things that arent true all the time. Sometimes to get you to do what they want you to do because they think you're less than them and they have the right to manipulate you. Sometimes because they feel you are more than them and they want to bring you down out of jealousy or spite.

Regardless of the reason, it happens. I was unaware of this in many ways for a long time, so I took their lies to heart. I believed that I was less than I was. I believed lies about how much one person cared about me, and how much another person didn't...and it almost destroyed my self esteem.

Well I take that back, it didnt almost destroy me, but at the time I thought it did. Looking back I am sure every teenager thinks that someone or something is ruining their life. Everyone has a particularly shitty patch in their life, and I am sure mine was high school. I look back on it fondly now, but none the less, I was somewhat of a disaster. But that is not the point. The point is is that I let other people dictate how I felt about myself, and THAT is a huge mistake I see some adults still making every single day.

I am not a pro at this. I waiver and doubt. But it has been years since anyone has made me doubt myself, and I hope it never happens again. This is applicable to relationships, friendships and family members. No one group is immune from inflicting hurt on any other.

By letting others beat my down, I was making my own life hell. It took me some time, but I have realized that no one can treat you like shit or make your life hell unless you let them. No matter how grave the situation, I believe there is always an out, always an answer, always another choice-- and no matter how hard or unconventional it may seem, life is less about what happens to us and more about what we do in response-- so free yourself, reinvent yourself, find yourself, whatever it takes, because there is always a way to make you happy.

So that didnt turn out to be that short, but I am thankful for question 8. There are a lot of people who have taken advantage of me over the years, and I am sure more will try, but I am so thankful that I can truly say- I don't care. I harbor no ill feelings for them because I'm confident with who I am, what I am doing, and I have faith that it will take me beyond my wildest dreams :)

Florence and the Machine said it best... "The dog days are over"

More to come,

Side Note: If this blog gets only 10 followers over the next 10 years it will be ok, because one day, when they are older and bored or feeling nosy, my sisters will read this. I hope my lessons and tails of hard work inspire them to do even more than I, to contribute to society, and most importantly grow into confident and happy women.

[Learn from my mistakes girls, lets be honest, I made enough for all three of us ;) ]

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